Rendell, Nutter Fix Casino Problem With Shittier Problem
September 16, 2008 –
Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell and Mayor Michael Nutter on Thursday expressed confidence in their utterly terrible idea to move the Foxwoods casino from Delaware Ave. to an even more offensive location at The Gallery. "Putting a slots parlor at 9th and Market will anger three neighborhood groups, not just one–and a Center City casino would bring traffic to a virtual standstill," beamed Nutter. "Needless to say, we're very, very pleased with this solution."
 Rendell was similarly delighted. "Although nearly everyone in opposition [to the original site] wanted the casino moved away from the city, we're asking that it be plopped right into the heart of it," he said of the awful plan to build a complex above the existing shopping center. "Now that's what I call serving the people." According to Foxwoods spokesman Jeff Neagle, "We're willing to move to the downtown site, as it would actually create more headaches for the city, not less. At Foxwoods, we're always happy to lend a helping hand."
Anti-casino activists, meanwhile, were infuriated by the officials' piss-poor new plan. "Gee, big surprise that one of the Foxwoods investors [Ronald Rubin] just happens to basically own The Gallery," fumed Casino-Free Philadelphia's Jerry Nestor. "And if they move, they'll make sure that there's less oversight than there would've been–for a project right in Center City. Honestly, Pennsport's not looking so bad in comparison." Nutter, though, seemed all but ready to proceed on his shit-assed proposal. "For those of you who think that Market East has become drab and depressing, well, how about if we bring in thousands of elderly nickel-slots jockeys? Invigorating, isn't it?
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