SEPTA Adding New Buses, Trains “For You to Ruin”
August 19, 2008 –
SEPTA on Thursday announced a $10 million service-improvement initiative, which will include the addition of new buses and trains that "are just waiting to be ruined," according to excited company officials. "In the coming months, we'll add 400 spanking-new buses and 120 rail cars to our fleet," said SEPTA general manager Joseph Casey at a morning press conference. "And not one of them will have a single Pepsi stain or baby-poo spot on them. That part... that part is up to you, Philadelphia."
 Commuters were thrilled by the announcement. "I can't wait to have a brand-new bus to fuck up," said Janet Thompson, 30, calmly pressing a wad of gum beneath her seat on Route 2. "It'll be like having a big, blank canvas to work with." Subway rider Rubel Caldwell, 44, agreed. "Making a big-ass mess is one of my favorite parts of riding the train," he said, grinning as pages from his newspaper scattered into the aisle. "So when they get those new trains going? I'm definitely gonna have to bring my 'a' game."
Public-transportation advocates, meanwhile, were horrified by the city's cheerfully disrespectful attitude towards its buses and trains. "In other parts of the world, [buses and trains] are respected as common spaces–not treated like rolling garbage cans," fumed Gretchen Watham of TransportPA. "Here we have an opportunity to do things differently–but people just see an chance to be even more careless. Only in Philadelphia." Casey, though, seemed to understand the city's innate desire to trash its public transportation. "At SEPTA, we stopped trying to clean up after people a long time ago–our riders were always two steps ahead of us. So with these new additions, we're simply giving Philadelphians a fresh chance to do what they do best."
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