The Philadelphia Turkey
Top Story In The City In The Region Arts & Entertainment Sports Comics Archives
 
 
Rittenhouse Residents Irked by Homeless Far, Far Below
August 12, 2008 – Residents of Rittenhouse Square yesterday expressed frustration at the continued presence of homeless people far, far beneath their multimillion-dollar condominiums. "It is an utter travesty, what's happened to our beloved square," tut-tutted Vincent Fitzpatrick, 63, as he squinted down from his 12th-floor balcony in The Dorchester. "Just look at them down there. Though they're small as ants, I can still tell they're up to no good."

Rittenhouse Residents Irked by Homeless Far, Far BelowOther Rittenhouse residents were similarly indignant. "My, I'm glad that the paper has exposed the filthy things those people are up to," scowled Barclay resident Geraldine Hampton, 57, referring to the Inquirer's July reports of increased homelessness in the square. "It's quite a relief to be up here on the 11th floor, that's for certain." Her husband, Chauncey, 59, agreed. "I'm a lenient fellow, but when hobos are bathing in the fountain, that's when I say, 'enough,' " he snorted. "Why can't they take a nice, private shower like everybody else, is what I want to know."

Advocates for the homeless, meanwhile, urged a wider view of the problem. "Nobody wants to see Rittenhouse Square turned into a squatter's camp; we understand that," said Claudia Samet of End Homelessness Now. "But just shooing them away doesn't truly address the problem. It just displaces it." To Fitzpatrick, however, such a cosmetic solution seemed ideal. "Of course, the police should make them go elsewhere–perhaps Washington Square or Schuylkill River Park. Because, I'm sorry–but I simply can't have any distractions when I'm out here with my evening cognac."
 
FORWARD TO A FRIEND
 
 
Sign Up For Weekly Email Alerts  |  RSSThe Philadelphia Turkey RSS Feed
 
Recent Headlines
Report: Tourists Are Idiots
City’s Bosses Enjoying “Ride Your Assistant to Work Week”
New Casino Solution: Move Them Underwater
Kirsch to Escape From Jungle Sex Prison
City Excited For Star-Spangled Marketing
Head-Injury Lovers Against Helmet-Law Reinstatement
City Begs Shyamalan to Move
 
The Millions