City’s Bosses Enjoying “Ride Your Assistant to Work Week”
July 22, 2008 –
Philadelphia's supervisors, office managers, and CEOs are enjoying "Ride Your Assistant to Work Week," which was inspired by the recent "Ride Your Bike to Work Week." "It's been absolutely wonderful," Aetna regional director Terry Fripp said yesterday, enjoying the commute from Chestnut Hill to Center City atop his sweaty, staggering assistant, Dennis Simons. "I'm seeing Philadelphia in an entirely new–I'm sorry, excuse me–Simons! Step lively, damn you!"
 Patent attorney Christopher Worley, who came up with the idea after reading about the Bicycle Coalition of Greater Philadelphia's May initiative, had similar words. "This is far superior to the Lexus," he smiled, using a heel to kick the ashen Quentin James in the ribs. "And not only am I 'going green,' I get to bond with young Quentin here. Isn't that right, you little moron?" According to Urban Outfitters chairman Richard Hayne, bobbing down Broad St. on Rachel Iovanni's back, "It's a little slower than driving down to the Navy Yard, but it's much more relaxing. And Rachel's getting a great cardio workout, to boot!
The exhausted assistants, however, were dismayed by the demands of carrying their bosses to and from the office. "He weighs, like, three tons, and twice already he's burned my neck with his goddamn latte," scowled John Levine, assistant to Wachovia finance director Aaron Grey. "Trust me, the weekend can't come soon enough." Fripp, though, had different ideas. "I know that I'm supposed to commute normally on Monday morning–but I'm thinking that this should become a permanent arrangement. That'd be okay with you, wouldn't it, Simons?"
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