Eskin Has a Bad Day
September 2, 2008 –
610 WIP-AM afternoon host Howard Eskin yesterday stunned colleagues by admitting that his day had, so far, been a bad one. "From the moment I whacked my head on the bedpost this morning, it was obvious that something was 'off'," said a visibly shocked Eskin, who until yesterday had defied incredible odds to have "never had a bad day" in his entire 53 years. "It's very, very tough for me to see the streak come to an end... but, at the same time, it's been 19,346 great days. It had to happen at some point."
 Early-afternoon host Anthony Gargano, too, was saddened by the epic streak's sudden demise. "When Howard came into the studio, he tripped on the carpet and fell right into a desk," he winced. "I go, 'Howard, are you okay?' And, he's lying on the floor, he just goes, 'Ant, this has been happening to me all friggin' day.'" Eskin elaborated, counting off the mishaps on his fingers. "I split my pants when I reached down to grab the paper. The milk in my Cheerios was sour. I damn near broke my neck in the shower. 'Little Howie' got caught in my zipper. And that's just the first twenty minutes of the day."
A sympathetic Ike Reese, for his part, hoped that Wednesday would be far kinder to Eskin. "Howard's streak, y'know, it sort of gave you hope," said the evening host, pursing his lips as he fought back a tear. "So, yeah, I hope his diarrhea goes away and they find out who keyed his Lexus–not just for his sake, but for ours, too." Eskin wholeheartedly agreed. "I'm The King; people expect me to just kinda breeze through–what–what the hell?" he blurted, looking down in disbelief as his nose began to bleed. "Oh, that's great. That is just friggin' great."
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Two “#1 Eagles Fans” Meet Uncomfortably
September 2, 2008 –
A pair of Philadelphians, each wearing a t-shirt that proclaimed him to be the "#1 Eagles Fan", met uncomfortably at Packer Avenue's Philadium on Thursday evening. "I went down to watch the Eagles-Jets [preseason] game, and, like always, I was wearin' my ['#1 Fan'] shirt," recalled Angelo DeSimone, 36, of the Girard Estates. "I'm in there not two minutes, and this other guy walks in with the exact same shirt. I was like, 'Who the fuck does this fuckin' guy think he is?"
"The other guy," 44-year-old Shawn Murphy of South Philadelphia, had a similar reaction. "I was just lookin' to have a few beers and watch my Birds–but this clown's sittin' there, wearin' the same goddamn shirt as me," he scoffed. "I sat down a few stools away, but he knew what was up. I mean, what the fuck, man–I ain't no #2." Bartender Jerry Casciano, meanwhile, girded himself for a possible scuffle between the self-proclaimed überfans. "They were kinda sizin' each other up the whole time, and I thought one of 'em was gonna snap and go for the other guy's throat," he said, wiping the bar with a damp rag. "But neither of 'em said word one to the other. The tension was goddamn unbearable."
Frequent Philadium patron Gordon Kozinski elaborated. "You could tell each guy was tryin' to outdo the other–cheering when the Eagles scored, screaming after a penalty... and accourse, neither of 'em would leave before the game ended, even though it was boring as hell. If it was me, I'd've just said, 'Okay, I'll be #2,' and gone home at halftime." DeSimone, though, seemed fixated on being considered the Eagles' most dedicated booster. "Anyone wants to test my #1 fan credentials, they're welcome to–I fuckin' bleed green, baby. Not like that other guy... I bet that asshole's blood is prob'ly red or somethin'. |
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