Farm Offers Spine-Tingling Halloween Terror
October 28, 2008 –
In recent weeks, a small Coopersville farm has taken full advantage of the Halloween season, offering visitors a terrifying glimpse into the hardships associated with modern family farming. “These days, lots of farms set up ‘terror barns’ and haunted hayrides for Halloween,” said J.D. Hardy, of Hardy Farms, which produces feed corn and soybeans. “But what we do is, we bring people in and explain the national corn surplus and Congress’ pro-corporate policies. It just about turns their hair white.”
 Hardy’s colleagues in the fright-farm industry were impressed by the effectiveness of his technique. “We’ve got nine separate attractions, including a Mystery Maze and a Psycho Circus,” said Charles Remnick of Lancaster’s Jason’s Woods. “But we really can’t compete with J.D. When people hear about how much debt he’s in, they can’t help but scream.” Bob Finder, of Glen Mills’ Arasapha Farm, which produces the “Bates Motel”, offered similar praise. “We’ve got guys running around with hockey masks and chainsaws, and they can really shock you,” he said. “But that’s nothing compared to the stack of unpaid bills on J.D.’s kitchen table.”
Visitors to the farm were indeed terrified. “Oh God, the hayride to the edge of the property, so we could see where the sprawl was encroaching, was like the scariest thing ever,” said Harriet Weschler, 22, of West Chester. “I’m still having trouble sleeping.” That bone-chilled reaction seemed to be exactly what Hardy had hoped for. “My family and I work our fingers to the bone, and barely break even—if we’re lucky,” he said, tiredly paging through a worn John Deere catalog. “It’s frightening as hell.”
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