 In the Community
Fuck You, You Fucking Hockey Moms!
Hannah Weismueller, Main Line Soccer Mom
Well, if this doesn't beat all. In the last few weeks, vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin has made "hockey moms" the hottest thing since Lunchables. Everywhere I turn–on The View, in People Magazine–it's "hockey moms" this, "hockey moms" that, "hockey moms" everything! But I've got a question for all those ice-loving mommies out there: what about the original sports moms: the soccer moms? Is our dedication in getting our little superstars to practice each day irrelevant? Is our bake-sale organizing no longer praiseworthy? Has our sideline cheering become passé? Rrrgh! It just makes me so darn mad I could scream, "Fuck you, you fucking hockey moms!"
Whoops! I can't believe that came out–but there it is! Wow! I suppose I just couldn't keep it bottled up any longer! But I've got good reason to be upset: for years now, I've enjoyed quite a bit of attention as a soccer mom. Why, every time an election rolled around, politicians would be positively begging for my vote–once, I even had coffee with Dick Gephardt! But ever since the Republican convention, I've been made to feel like a second-class citizen–all because of hockey!
Ooh, I just can't stand it! Who likes hockey anyway, is what I want to know! It's so cold in those arenas, and there's all that horrible violence... not like soccer, where you're out in the fresh air, and everybody gets a big ol' dose of good, clean fun. The worst part of it is, I don't know a single one of these "hockey moms." Do they even exist? Rrrgh! Either way, they're stealing our thunder, and it's all because of that Sarah Palin character!
Well, I've got a little message for her, and all her other so-called "hockey moms": get your own identity before you go horning in on somebody else's! All you did was substitute one sport for another! God! I hope you burn in hell, you stupid fucking whores!
Oopsies! I have just got to work on that anger!
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