Food Banks Flooded With Sauerkraut
May 12, 2009 –
Area pantries yesterday reported a record wave of sauerkraut following Saturday’s “Stamp Out Hunger” food drive by the United States Postal Service. “You know, you’d think you might get a can of tuna here, maybe some tomato soup there,” said a disheartened Bill Clark of Philabundance, standing before thousands of cans of shredded, fermented cabbage. “But no. Just sauerkraut. Fucking sauerkraut.”
 Others at local food banks reported similar surpluses of the European relish, which was collected and distributed by area letter-carriers. “We’ve recorded 76,452 cans of sauerkraut, and we’re still counting,” said Terry Cooke of the Greater Philadelphia Food Bank. “I guess we’ll just have to give [the needy] some forks, some can openers, and say, ‘Have at it.’ ” The Food Bank of South Jersey’s Lenworth Brady, however, did report a tantalizing bit of variety. “Yes, it was mostly sauerkraut, but we also got quite a few cans of cranberry sauce—some of which weren’t even expired,” he said, mildly disgusted. “Really generous,” he added, bitterly.
Bella Vista resident and sauerkraut donor Max McCormick was happy to contribute to the fight against salted-cabbage hunger. “These are tough times, for sure—so I’m glad to do my part,” he said, looking into a kitchen cupboard brimming with rice, pasta, and soups. “But, seriously, don’t worry about me. I can always get more sauerkraut.” Philabundance’s Clark seemed less than grateful for the sacrifice. “People don’t understand that donating to a food drive and cleaning out their pantries aren’t remotely the same thing,” he said, exhaling disappointedly as he gazed at the mountain of cans. “I mean, at least drop off some hot dogs, too.” |
