Toomey Forced to Run Unappetizing Pro-Toomey Campaign
May 5, 2009 –
Analysts statewide are saying that after Sen. Arlen Specter’s surprise switch to the Democratic Party one week ago, conservative ex-congressman Pat Toomey must now run an unappetizing Pro-Toomey campaign in next year’s Republican primary. “Toomey had already been ripping Specter for weeks, calling him everything but a transsexual Communist goose-raper,” said the Philadelphia Inquirer’s Thomas Fitzgerald. “But with Specter now out of the picture [in the primary], he’ll be forced to show people his positive side… and I’m not sure that there is one.”
 Jan Murphy of the Harrisburg Patriot-News agreed. “Pat Toomey’s only argument thus far has been that reelecting Arlen Specter would be tantamount to wiping a donkey’s ass with the Constitution,” she said. “He hasn’t done so well in explaining why Pennsylvanians should elect a Hannity-slurping right-wing butt-plug such as himself.” According to The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette’s James O’Toole, “As the president of the Club For Growth, Toomey believes deeply in the same deregulation that helped to bring our economy to its knees. I’m sure he’d rather call Arlen Specter a dipshit than bring that up.”
A brief interview with the Republican hopeful seemed to back up O’Toole’s assertion. “One of my most deeply-held beliefs is that one should stand behind his or her own party—unlike a certain someone,” he fumed. “When it comes time for the general election, voters will have to ask themselves: can we really trust this Benedict Arlen?” But, aside from anti-Specterism, what would Toomey’s platform actually consist of? “There’ll be plenty of time for me to talk about policy,” he said unconvincingly. “For now, though, why don’t we talk about someone else?” |
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