17 Dead Diners Found in Maia
April 28, 2009 –
The Main Line is reeling after yesterday’s discovery of 17 desiccated corpses in an apparently-forgotten restaurant within Maia—the huge, recently-shuttered Villanova food complex. “We were doing a final inspection, and one of my guys just happened to stumble upon [the dining room],” said Montgomery County health inspector Jerry Lubitsch, shuddering as a procession of body bags was wheeled from the year-old, 20,000-square-foot combination market, bistro, restaurant, and coffee shop. “I always thought this place was too goddamn big to begin with.”
 Villanova Police Chief Ian Sturdivant recounted the grisly findings. “The bodies were scattered throughout the room, in various states of decomposition,” he said at a hastily-called midday news conference. “Early indications are, they’d been there since at least November. Most of them were still waiting for their appetizers.” Deputy Lee Holland added, “At some point, someone must’ve locked the door [to the dining room], thinking it was a supply closet or employee bathroom. It was horrible. One skeleton was curled up right at the door, still holding a martini glass.”
Philadelphia Inquirer dining critic Craig LaBan, who twice reviewed the monstrous eatery, was unsurprised by the sepulchral find. “You can see how it could happen: the place was massive, confusing, and extremely poorly managed,” he said. “My hope is that at least one of [the dead] was able to try the New Bedford fluke with jumbo lump crab meat and shellfish reduction. It was, if you’ll excuse the pun, to die for.” Sturdivant, the police chief, seemed to be in no mood for wordplay. “17 dead, and all for a little fine dining,” he sighed as the final corpse was taken away. “Makes you wonder what else is in there.”
The restaurant’s owner, Scott Morrison, could not be reached for comment. |
