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Due to Mat Herpes, Wrestling Competition Canceled
Charles Davis, West Chester Henderson Athletic Director |
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Due to an unfortunate outbreak of herpes gladiatorum, commonly known as mat herpes, the Ches-Mont League has decided to suspend intra-league wrestling competition. We are merely following guidelines laid out by the National Federation of High Schools’ sports medicine advisory committee. Due to the highly contagious nature of this skin disease, we are asking the league’s eight teams to wait one week—starting from each school’s last physical contact—before resuming wrestling activities. At that time, we will institute a review of competitors’ conditions, and run thorough testing on all league mats. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation.
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Matt Has Herpes!
Chelsea Madison, West Chester Henderson Student |
Omigod, I just talked to Chrissy, did you hear? Matt has herpes!
I know—so gross! Omigod, I am so happy I didn’t hook up with him at Eddie’s house? I can’t even imagine, I would like die! Omigod, can you imagine all those crusty—
Wait, what? What do you—
NO! WAY! EWW! Omigod, Jen, you have to get checked out! I don’t know, the hospital? Eww! Did you… EWW! It’s gonna be all on your mouth and everything! You’re gonna have like scabs and like drippy stuff—
Well, so, but I didn’t, because he skeevs me out! When did you even do it, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me, whore! At Robbie’s house? Where? In the bathroom? Ugh, that is so gross—you are such a whore! I know I did, but that’s Anthony! He’s much hotter than Matt! What? So—at least I won’t have crusty Matt herpes on my face!
No, I totally promise. I won’t say anything, I swear. O-kay! Seriously, though, go to the hospital. Omigod, I can’t believe you got Matt’s herpes! Eww!
Okay. Okay, I won’t. Bye.
Whitney? Omigod, you have to hear this!
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| FORWARD TO A FRIEND |
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