Arizonans Relieved to Stay Away From Pittsburgh
February 3, 2009 –
Following a pre-Super Bowl bet between Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell and Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer, residents across Arizona yesterday expressed relief that they had been denied a chance to visit Pittsburgh. “Of course, I’m bummed that the Cards lost,” admitted Ted Nance, 45, of Sunday’s 27-24 Steelers victory. “But as good as winning it all might’ve been, it would’ve been just as bad to have to go to Pittsburgh.”
 Brewer—who must now supply three Pittsburgh contest-winners with a three-day golfing vacation and two seats to a Cardinals, Suns, Diamondbacks, or Coyotes game—was pleased that none of her constituents would be subjected to Pittsburgh’s postindustrial bleakness. “ ‘Winning’ would’ve meant a five-hour flight, just to ride on a slanty elevator [the Duquesne Incline] and see a Pirates game,” she snorted. “So, yeah—thank goodness for [Super Bowl MVP] Santonio Holmes, is all I’ll say.” Longtime Cardinals fan and Flagstaff resident Jack Kallir, 50, agreed. “If we’d won, I probably would’ve entered the contest, you know, just for fun,” he chuckled. “But the more I think about it? The less fun it really sounds.”
Rendell spokesman Chuck Ardo balked at such negativity. “It sounds like sour grapes to me,” he frowned. “To be frank, I think they’re just upset about the Steelers' incredible game-winning drive. Pittsburgh is a fine, fine city.” Brewer disagreed. “I’m sure it’s nice, with all the big, empty skyscrapers and the crumbling old factories,” she said. “But I think I’ll stay here, where it’s warm, and the population is rising, not shrinking. They can keep the [Lombardi] trophy.” |
