Area College Students “All For” Lowering Drinking Age
August 26, 2008 –
With the 2008-2009 academic year getting underway, students at area colleges yesterday expressed unabashed support for a recent proposal by university presidents–including those at St. Joseph's, Arcadia, and Widener–to lower the legal drinking age to 18. "They'd be fuckin' awesome," slurred visibly intoxicated UPenn junior Brian Murphy, 20, on the porch of his West Philadelphia rental home. "One time? It was all like, fuckin', 'Whoo!' And everybody else'd be all like, "Deez nuts!"
 Arcadia sophomore Erik Schneider, slumped in a La-Z-Boy in his off-campus apartment, agreed. "I'm goin', whatever, man, whatever," he said between deep swigs from a plastic bottle of gin. "So then he grabs me and I'm like, 'fuck you, y' fuckin' fuck!" Drexel University junior Brian Deerin, 20, had similar insights on the measure, developed by former Middlebury College president John McCardell. "Bitches, man, bitches," he mumbled, swaying slightly as he clutched a massive Long Island Iced Tea. "Bitches."
Despite the students' obvious enthusiasm, anti-drinking advocates were infuriated by the proposal. "Every relevant statistic has shown that increasing the drinking age from 18 to 21 [in 1984] has saved literally thousands of lives," fumed Mothers Against Drunk Driving president Laura Dean-Mooney. "College students need less, not more, access to alcohol." Murphy, though, seemed to disagree. "So I'm goin', like, 'Whatever, dude, fuck 'em,' " he said, freely urinating off the side of the porch. "But anyway, thass cool. Thass cool." |
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Jonas Bros. Fans to Remember Concert With Embarrassment
August 26, 2008 –
Teenage fans of the Jonas Brothers yesterday conceded that, as they age, they will likely look back embarrassedly at their attendance at the band's sold-out concert tomorrow night. "Omigod, I know I'm like, soooo into them now?" said Berwyn 12-year-old Stephanie Rosenbaum of the teen trio, performing at Camden's Susquehanna Bank Center. "But when I'm in, like, my 20s, I'll prob'ly be all, like, 'What was that all about?' "
 Other area tweens possessed similar foresight. "You should totally see my room–it's, like, Jonas Brothers everything!" screeched Moorestown 11-year-old Dayna LaConti. "But in, like, five years, I'm gonna throw it all in the garbage and go, 'Jeez, that was weird!' " Chrissy Lipton, 13, of Chichester, agreed. "I know I won't always want to marry all three Jonases," she admitted, a touch of sadness in her voice. "But until then? I'm like totally spending all my dad's money on them!"
Center City's Maureen Leone, 41, whose 12-year-old daughter, Jacqueline, persuaded her to purchase $500 tickets for the show, was heartened by the youngsters' incredible sagacity. "Boy, when I was 12, all I wanted to do was have Leif Garrett's babies–and I never thought about growing out of it. These kids today, though... they just have such wisdom." Rosenbaum's statements seemed to bear out such praise. "When I'm, like, 25, I'm gonna find all my old [Jonas Brothers] stuff in the attic and totally laugh at myself," she said, snapping her gum. "But tomorrow night? Now that's a different story!" |
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