April 21, 1873: I Certainly Enjoy the University Life!

April 21, 1873: I Certainly Enjoy the University Life!
In The Community
Asher Roth, West Chester University Undergraduate

Well, hello! I hope that you are feeling as utterly delightful as I am! Say—if you happen to be enjoying an alcoholic beverage at this moment,
Why not raise a toast?

My word, last eve’s fete was quite memorable, wouldn’t you say? If only we had had the foresight to document the festivities!
I, personally, was so jubilant that I partook in a series of jigs—and, I’m not ashamed to say, gained carnal knowledge of a truly alluring filly!
Yes, I may quaff a pint of ale and perhaps even partake of a “marihuana cigarette” from time to time—but in truth, eternal friendship is more than enough to sustain me.
Yet, even so, I find that I succumb to the sandman at three past midnight, awake seven hours hence, have a bit of sustenance, then do it once again!
Oh my, I certainly enjoy the university life!

It is my hope that I may continue my studies in perpetuity
All the while enjoying tumblers of bourbon, or perhaps cold bottles of lager.
On both Tuesdays and Thursdays, I endeavor to imbibe
And even fill my stomach with wedges of Italian “pizza pie”!

So, please, pour a bit into my goblet, and let us overindulge!
How about a bit of card-play?
By the way, I happen to excel at hurling a tiny ball into a faraway cup
If memory serves, the names of two who engage in such activities—albeit on a grander scale—are Allen Iverson and Hakeem Olajuwon…

However, your tiny ball must make it into the aforementioned cup on the fly, you rapscallion!
If not, I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to disrobe! Yes, disrobe!
Enjoying brewed beverages and malty spirits is a fine use of one’s evenings
As a matter of fact, upon waking this morn, I recalled a familiar refrain…

Last eve’s fete was quite memorable! If only we had had the foresight to document the festivities!
I, personally, was so jubilant that I partook in a series of jigs—and even gained carnal knowledge of a truly alluring filly!
Yes, I may quaff a pint of ale and perhaps even partake of a “marihuana cigarette” from time to time, but in truth, eternal friendship is more than enough to sustain me.
Yet, even so, I succumb to the sandman at three past midnight, awake seven hours hence, have a bit of sustenance, then do it once again!
Oh my, I certainly enjoy the university life!

In the event that your attention may have lapsed, I’ll say it again: I enjoy the university life!
And I also adore the taste of alcoholic beverages!
Needless to say, I also delight in the fairer sex!

My, I do enjoy the university life!